Tuesday :: Dec 9, 2003

"You're The Better Man", says Al, "Gunga Dean"


by pessimist

I wrote this adaptation of Rudyard Kipling's Gunga Din upon hearing the news that Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean for President.

While I do lean favorably toward Dean, the fact that I have written this adaptation is not intended to declare that I have decided that Dean is the candidate for me to support. I remain officially undeclared as to my choice for the Democratic nomination as there is a long way to go and the other candidates have a lot of time to move ahead.

In addition, I will still be covering the news about Al Sharpton and Carol Moseley Braun's campaigns. And to my fellow (and Mary!) bloggers, which ever of you is covering Dean, sorry if I stepped on your wing tips.

I would welcome any of these candidates as the nominee, provided he (sorry, Carol) is good enough to defeat Bush. For the record, this does leave out Al Sharpton, so let's not start flaming me over that idea!

Those not into poetry are advised to that the remainder of this post is a poetic adaptation, and might resemble that English Lit class you hated so much.

You may talk o' oil this year
SUV's suck gas so dear,
An' the lane lines blur by much too quick to spot 'em;
But when it comes to voters
You will do your best for quoters,
When you'll pick the anecdotes of 'im that's got 'em.
In New 'ampshire's win'try clime,
Where the candidates spend time
A-runnin' to replace George Bush as Prez,
Of all them "lefty" crew
One candidate pulled through
Was the Democrat front-runner, Howard Dean.
He was "Dean! Dean! Dean!
You lib'rul Socialist-sky, Howard Dean!
Hey! Ya slippery so-an'-so!
We will kick your tail tomorrow!
You squidgy-nosed ex-doctor, Howard Dean."

The business suit 'e wore
"It don't cost much!" 'e swore,
An' rather less than 'arf o' Kerry's mend,
With no piece o' public swag
As the Internet's 'is bag
'e pulled in all the dollars folks would send.
While the dial-in press corps lazed,
Eatin' Krispy Kremes well-glazed,
Called in rumors for the CNN news crawl,
We shouted "Howard! Bye!"
Though we failed with all we'd try,
So we wopped 'im 'cause 'e wouldn't swerve at all.
It was "Dean! Dean! Dean!
You're beaten in New 'ampshire! 'ave you seen?
You quit the race this minute
Or you'll wish you'd not begin' it
If you don't give up the runnin', Howard Dean!"

It would seem 'e'd 'ave 'is fun
Till the longest day was done;
An' 'e didn't care about our words o' fears.
If we charged or broke or cut,
You could bet your bloomin' nut,
We'd be pollin' fifteen points or more arears.
With supporters at 'is back,
'E would skip past our attack,
An' watch us till our outrage made us tire,
Watched the doctor deep inside
Push the campaign trail aside
When 'e went to tend the wounded under fire!
It was "Dean! Dean! Dean!"
With the cameras clickin' photos of the scene.
When the floppy disks ran out,
You could hear the lensmen shout,
"He saved that man, did Doctor Howard Dean!"

I shan't forgit the night
When I dropped be'ind the fight
With a zero where my ballots should 'a' been.
I was feelin' quite the worst,
An' the man that spied me first
Was our good old centrist lib'rul' Howard Dean.
'E lifted up my 'and,
An' he said "I understand!" ,
An' 'e told me that I tried to win it clean
'is 'andshake, it caught me short,
But of all words of support,
I'm gratefullest to one from Howard Dean.
It was "Dean! Dean! Dean!
'Ere's a new campaigner for your vote machine;
'E's lost the primary,
You won one more victory
Now you're declared the winner, Howard Dean!"

'E caucus'd Ioway
Where Dick Gephardt led the play,
In a ballot battle like no one 'ad seen
'E 'oped the losin' side
Would put down their wounded pride,
"I 'ope you'll 'elp me win", sez Howard Dean.
So I'll meet 'im later on
At the place where 'e is gone --
Where the Congresspeople talk with no clear mien;
'E'll be sendin' up the set
As 'e names 'is Cabinet,
I might get the seat at State from Howard Dean!
Yes, Dean! Dean! Dean!
The President-Elect - O! - Howard Dean!
Though the Right wing press it sicc'd you,
With the news that Al Gore picked you,
You're the man for President now, Howard Dean!

Adapted from "Gunga Din" by Rudyard Kipling
Adaptation Copyright (c) 2003 PESSIMISTUNES
All Rights Reserved.

pessimist :: 6:29 PM :: Comments (0) :: Digg It!