Saturday :: Nov 13, 2004

Isn't It A Good Thing?


by pessimist

It's no secret that evangelicals and fundamentalists are deeply enamored with the simplistic black-white approach to problem solving of the Old Testament. Maybe that's why they are trying so hard to bring it all about.

We've been hearing for years that it's been 'God's plan' that certain things have gone certain ways. The latest comment is from fundamentalist Bob Jones - he of Bob Jones University, a fundamentalist 'college' - in his congradulatory letter to George WASP Bu$h: "In your reelection, God has graciously granted America - though she doesn't deserve it - a reprieve from the agenda of paganism."

Hey, Jonesey - about this 'agenda of paganism: I'm not the one on TV pandering to Mammon!

Jones continues:

Don't equivocate. Put your agenda on the front burner and let it boil. You owe the liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ. Honor the Lord, and He will honor you.

Let's get something straight here, Jonesey - I honor Christ by not ignoring his message, unlike the hypocrites who hide behind the Bible like to do. I try to help the downtrodden and provide for the needy. What have you done besides offer empty words of hope without deeds? Here's what Christ had to say about hypocrites like you:

Matt.23, 1-7; 13-17; 23-25; 28-29
Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples, Saying, The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat: All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not. For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.

But all their works they do for to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their garments, And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues, And greetings in the markets, and to be called of men, Rabbi, Rabbi.

But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves. Woe unto you, ye blind guides, which say, Whosoever shall swear by the temple, it is nothing; but whosoever shall swear by the gold of the temple, he is a debtor! Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gold, or the temple that sanctifieth the gold?

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone. Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness.

Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.

But let's not clutter up the word with The Word. Let's instead hear Jones tell Bu$h about this 'agenda of paganism' - and what he suggests to do about it.

This is what Jones wants Bu$h to do now:

You have four years - a brief time only - to leave an imprint for righteousness upon this nation that brings with it the blessings of Almighty God. Undoubtedly, you will have opportunity to appoint many conservative judges and exercise forceful leadership with the Congress in passing legislation that is defined by biblical norm regarding the family, sexuality, sanctity of life, religious freedom, freedom of speech, and limited government.

Freedom of speech from those who denied it to Kerry supporters? Limited government from those who deny it to others while extolling its virtues? I could almost make a case for the other topics Jones presents, but with these last two, the message is clear. Add all of these together, and liberals are the target of all of these 'biblical norms' to be passed by Congress.

Family: Will there be a Constitutional Amendment requiring women to be married by a certain age? And with all of the gay men ineligible, would that bring back the Biblical acceptance of polygamy? That sounds like something Muslims do! Their Koran allows it, with the proviso that a man be able to support any and all wives. And their divorce laws are so much simpler! Imagine that nagging shrew who won't let you indulge in your favorite Sunday worship service - watching the Saints play the Patriots - and then take her outside, repeat "I divorce you" three times, and slam the door in her face. Much simpler than having to stand in court in front of one of them liberal woman judges who might then make you pay alimony and child support!

Sexuality: Remember, God Hates Gays! In the Old Testament, when God hated something, He required to assistance of His True Believers to deal with the issue. He must still have been exhausted from creating the universe and everything in it in only seven days. Otherwise, He would deal with gays Himself!

Then there is those uppity feminazis! Hear it now: 'How dare they try to recruit ol' Bessie Mae into bein' one o' them bra-burnin' sodomites! Her place is under me every Saturday night, whether she wants to or not. God says it's her duty to 'cleave unto' her husband - and that's me!'

Bu$h'$ supporters don't like any kind of medication that controls pregnancy, but do they ever push the Viagra and Cialis! I guess that's for when each man has several wives to keep barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen preparing the next meal for the large brood they have all generated through their 'cleaving unto' whether they wanted to or not.

Sanctity of Life: No baby killers! God Hates them! Anyone who kills babies ought to be killed themselves! Eye for an eye, you know! Why, without babies, where are the armies of the future going to come from? Mexico? India? China? Can't take over the world's oil supply to keep my SUV runnin' if we can't stand up to these heathen hordes of disbelievers! Mexico? They're Papists! They don't believe God revealed the True Bible to Good King James, so they count as heathens! Besides, they're BROWN!

Religious Freedom: Out here in California, we seem to be facing an invasion of televangelists lately. Billy Graham is coming to soothe the wounds of all those depressed liberals who backed John F. Kerry in his defeat. Graham's event is being promoted almost as if the Second Coming of the Beatles were about to happen. His smug Jew-hating mug (See: discussions with Nixon in the Oval Office) is all over every spare billboard in SoCal, and his ads are all over the media. He must be a Good Christian, for he's not charging for his revival tent-less show of numerous repetitions of 'God LOVES you!' There is another whose name escapes me at the moment as I don't recognize her, but my son Bookseller knows of her. Her basic schtick is the same as Graham's, and she isn't charging either.

Assume for now that any other televangelists who show up will do likewise. They want to reach as many people as possible, so that they can 'convert' the lost into good Republican Christians (in that order) and give the state to Jebba the Butt in 2008, who for now patiently awaits his turn in storm-ravaged Florida.

Freedom of Speech: This doesn't apply to non-believers! What this means is that anything about Christianity and the political platform which supports it is allowed. Anything which refutes or denies is not. There aren't going to be any 'First Amendment Zones' next time! It'll be God's Word - or silence. We will hear more about how liberals are traitors and ungodly, about how we aren't going to be saved, and maybe even how we should be shunned. And we will have nowhere to turn for redress of our grievances.

Limited Government:Government will be limited only to the godly. Everyone else will be subject to the application of the laws the godly will pass, such as the USA Patriot Act, which will now be expanded to its fated greatness. Under this act, any disrespect of Owwer Leedur will result in deportation to a foreign land where torture is allowed - after all, these Good Christians are allowing you to continue to live, rather than smiting you like the vermin you are! God HATES you!

WARNING: a titanium top hot is de rigeur from here.

Consider for the purposes of this post that the GOP and the fundamentalists are now one entity. Bob Jones talks about a 'biblical norm' and 'biblical values'. Suppose they decide to apply these to those of us who aren't converted by the Invasion of the Telepreachers?

We have recent information that tax money flows from the Blue areas to the Red ones. Could it be that this movement of funds is intended to starve cities until they are small enough to drown in the bathtub?

There is the potential Islamic Bomb attack, made much more likely because US troops were detailed to protect oil fields instead of nuclear sites. But even if it isn't Islamic terrorism that lights one off in San Francisco, would this not be a joyous event for those who care about 'the sanctity of life'? After all, the American Sodom would be no more, and thanks be to God for this blessing.

It's then time to unleash the pestilence. I've written before about efforts by several nations to acquire samples of the 1918 influenza virus. Recent reports say that the virus' genome has been decoded and it is understood how the virus became such a killer. Only two of its genes need to be altered slightly for it to change from a mere inconvenience to The Grim Reaper.

Add that knowledge to this: The CIA had conducted tests back in the 1950s using a specific influenza-like virus that was released in American cities, including San Francisco, for the purpose of studying how a bioweapon might spread once used. They tracked the progress through medical reports from doctors and hospitals (remember those?) who reported this odd disease.

Now combine these facts with the current hatred of the Red Staters for the Blue areas. Our Liberal way of life is under assault by these self-appointed guardians of propriety, but out of true Christian love for all of God's creatures, we are being given a chance to change our ways before 'God's' wrath is unleashed upoon us. Some do, and see fit to leave Blue areas for Red ones. What of those who remain behind?

As one biological warfare web site I peeked at puts it, disease is the most efficient form of population control. Release this 1918 influenza (with the True Believers properly immunized while the rest of us can't seem to get a sufficient supply of vaccine) and then let God take over.

I guess God is still too tired to take care of this business of selecting the saved from the unsaved himself. It's only been a little over 4004 years since He created everything, after all. So it's a Good Thing His Believers are ready to take on that task for Him!

Other things could be done to add to the misery of the cities and the Blue areas. Food tends to come from the Red areas, so that could be reallocated only to the faithful. Water mostly comes from these same areas, so that could also be controlled. Then cut off fuel supplies.

The cities would quickly descend into the kind of anarchy 'authors' like Tim La Haye have been promoting for twenty years or more. Readers of his books know what to do when that happens. They have to form militias to protect their borders, and to separate the faithful from those who are not, and to prevent those who are not from thinking they can enter as well. This will require firearms, and isn't it a Good Thing that God kept those heathen lib'ruls from taking away my Ruger!

I guess that God will still be too exhausted to do His own separating!

Then, in true Old Testament fashion, the non-believers will have to 'be destroyed'. I don't need to define in detail what that will involve. So much for 'Thou Shalt Not Kill. 'Sanctity of Life' my ass. The Red Staters will be told they are doing God's work and will not even question the order to eliminate the non-believers. There will be no conscience problems.

So what is the aim of all of this? It's to be able to take America back to a time when it wasn't so confusing and complicated, not so crowded and cosmopolitan, not so foreign to 'owwer valyoos' that they can again feel confortable living in 'God's Country' and enjoy the blessings of abundance that will flow from the property of those deleted from the American inventory - non-whites, non-Christians, non-Americans. It will be there for the taking - except maybe the area around San Francisco - at least until the residual radiation subsides to tolerable levels, God willing. then there will be plenty of room for the descendants of God's Believers to Spread The Word by Spreading Out into the Neue Lebensraum God has granted them in His infinite generousity.

I wonder how God would feel about all this if He were asked.

But there is a silver lining in these storm coulds of mine. I've been feeling for a while now that there is a split in the Republicans Party coming. I'm now seeing signs of who is going to be leading one side of that split:

Der Governator

Yes, Arnold. In Friday's Riverside Press-Enterprise, Arnold is quoted as saying that "The more countries that are participating in helping to rebuild Iraq, the better it will be, so the whole burder is not just on the United States." He has also made some comments about social issues - with the notable exception of gay marriage - that are almost liberal.

There is much more to this issue yet to emerge, and it isn't at all clear that the BFEE/PNAC Petroleum Pirate Posse is willing to allow efforts by Orrin Hatch to amend the Constitution and pave the way for a President Schwarznegger when that would rule out the chances that Jebba the Butt and his son George P. will continue the Bu$h Dynasty and the Resoration of the Priveleges of the Wealthy. If Orrin Hatch is behind Arnold, can the case not be made that Western Republicans might be also?

I don't support Arnold, but I share some of his concerns. I'm willing to support his efforts on these concerns if I think that his efforts are the right ones to pursue. The fact that Arnold can reach me is what the BFEE/PNACPPP fears most about him - he's much more of a uniter than a divider (although he shares that ability with W as well). He drew people out of the woodwork to vote for him during the recall in numbers that Bu$h can only drool over. Should it ever come to a Bu$h-Schwarznegger face off, is there any doubt who would win?

Arnold has stated that he would like to occupy the White House some day, so this does threaten the Bu$h Dynasty - and they know it. They do still hold the trump card to keep Arnold in line - California's debt. If that were to get out of control (and a rainy winter could help those plans immensely - must be that Hand of God thing again), then he stumbles before he can run, and the Dynasty (Die Nasty?) is safe. The Successions can happen without interference, and all is well in the World of the Christian Toppers.

Cue the rewrite!

pessimist :: 9:26 AM :: Comments (6) :: Spotlight :: Digg It!