Friday :: Jan 14, 2005

How’d it Happen?

by paradox

US liberals living abroad have recently entered a very trying time: citizens of their host countries keep coming up to them and asking them how the American people could have ever been so cluelessly suckered into electing that lying killer to the Presidency. The extremely comforting line that the war felon stole it the first time and didn’t truly represent the will of the American people no longer works.

It’s a very good question with hundreds of facets, one brilliantly shiny surface in any rough cut of an answer at least perfectly clear and beaming: we have a pathetically lousy journalism corps.

Paul Krugman—gasp!—actually used a link in his work this morning! Lord above, he referenced his work. He showed the reader with the 750 words he crafted that he took the mission of truth seriously. Amazingly, Krugman sometimes even uses graphs.

Of course, Krugman isn’t a journalist by training. The other dweebs in that pathetic columnist crew at the Times (except, of course, the sparkly Bob Herbert) never reference their work and never provide graphs and charts.

The US journalism corps is no longer constrained by paper and anyone on the world can instantly read their stuff, but they’re still lazy and stupid in their craft. Hey MoDo! Instead of writing about how you can’t get laid, try backing up and graphically representing your intellectual constructs with references and graphs.

Professional journalists still won’t do it, for it would force them to change and stop attempting to blow smoke up everybody’s ass with terrible work that is amazingly contemptuous of the reader and dumbs down the republic. If you are a professional journalist who is not linking and graphing in the world wide web, know this: you be fossilized 20th century stuff not worth reading. Get cool and hip and sexily with it like Krugman in the 21st century ether space of real brains and souls or get lost, American journalist.

If I were an editor I would require every columnist to provide at least two links and a graph or chart with every single column. Editor has discretion on whether the graph is appropriate. After 180 days custom graphs or charts will be required for 50% of submissions.

That’s right. You have to—I know how terrifying this is, I’m really sorry—learn Excel to make your own charts! You have to think and grow and fail in you journey of growth into the 21st century, I know you can do it!

A lazy journalism corps that doesn’t take its mission seriously and greatly facilitates the war felon about to be sworn in won’t be tolerated. The great vacuum it creates for the citizens who truly think and have ethics will leave the corps dusty and unread, left behind in the trash bin as inevitably as the old calendars from 1999.

paradox :: 6:53 AM :: Comments (27) :: Digg It!