I've had it! Enough is enough! I am through being on the losing side every time.
I'm going to change quite a few things about my life and then it will get better. I'm going to register as a Republican, and go to work to change the Constitution so that Arnold can run for president. I'm going to attend Right-to-Life meetings and get Roe v. Wade overturned. I'm going to enlist in the US military and volunteer for Afghanistan - it's wilder than Iraq by a long shot! Only a wimp would ask for patrolling Baghdad!
I'm going to promote privatization of Social Security, support the reduction of Medicare, and advocate more tax breaks for the wealthy. I will yell loudly that the working class doesn't pay its fair share of taxes. I'm going to move to Florida so that I can live under the president's brother as governor. I'm going to be Redder and Bedder Than A Mere Liberal!
I'm going to vow that George Bush won fair and square in both the 2000 and the 2004 elections, and that Ohio was the result of the wishes of the populace.
I'm going to read Ann Coulter and believe every word, and Rush Limbaugh will be my idol. Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly will form my opinions for me. I will believe that all Democrats are tratorous pedophile liberal commies and that Tim McVey should have targeted the New York Times building instead of the Murrah Building.
And that's not all I want to tell you!