Friday :: Oct 21, 2005

The 101st Keyboarding Monkey


by pessimist

In a variation of The Infinite Monkey Theorem, if a Republican Press Organ monkey were allowed infinite access to the Internet, and also to hammer away on the keys at will, the truth will be revealed.

Also, in the tenuously-related Hundredth Monkey Theorem, if 100 Republican newspaper websites were to publish opinions over the Internet, would the hundred-and-first Republican newspaper website repeat the entire opinion?

Sure it would!

Via Facing South, one now has proof that the SCLM is nothing if not the public distribution wing of the Bu$hCo Ministry of Truth:

Monkey Newspaper #1
Monkey Newspaper #2
Monkey Newspaper #3
Monkey Newspaper #4
Monkey Newspaper #5
Monkey Newspaper #6
Monkey Newspaper #7

Can we identify this 101st Fighting Keyboardist Monkey?

Sure we can!
[T]he author of the editorial is Sean Paige, editorial page editor of the Colorado Springs Gazette and a man with a rich history in right-wing politics. On his resume: "Staff Assistant for Communications, White House," personal aide to John Sununu (Chief of Staff to Bush I), and "Press Secretary: Keyes for Senate" (ouch). More on his history here.

The great Pam Spaulding points to a piece from 2002 that shows this is likely part of a controversial move by Freedom Communications to have their papers run "joint content" -- stuff that appears local but really isn't:

... let's take a look at how The Gazette is pretending that some of its writers, who work in other states, are actually on staff and crafting their prose from the home office at 30 S. Prospect. In a widely criticized move earlier this year, The Gazette's owner, Freedom Communications, based in [Santa Ana,] Orange County, Calif., launched an exercise in what it calls "joint content." Essentially, the suits upstairs decided that film reviewing, travel and food were pretty much the same wherever you go.
It's one thing to do this for, say, film reviews. But house editorials that supposedly are the opinion of the local paper's editorial board? Kind of puts a damper on the "spontaneous outpouring of thoughts and feelings," don't you think?

And that would be bad for BFEE/PNAC Petroleum Pirate Posse Profits!

And here's the best part: just this month, none other than Sean Paige penned an editorial slamming MoveOn.org members for sending "astroturf" letters to newspapers. Here's a choice passage:
I began noticing patterns in the e-mails — the same rote phrases or analogies that betray an orchestrated letter writing campaign, rather than a spontaneous outpouring of thoughts and feelings.

How COULD they?!

Indeed! Don't they know that this method has been patented???? Only GOP Press Monkeys writing 'editorials' and Wrong-Wing Wregulars wresponding to progressive blog postings are allowed to perform that mind(less)-reading act! We wouldn't want to strain their Bee-yootiful Minds by making them think, now would we? We might get them started doing something that would break the controls! It would be as if they took a bite of the Apple of Knowledge and had to be ejected from the GOP Garden of Eden!

And we wouldn't want to have that happen, now would we?

Like Hell We Wouldn't!
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pessimist :: 6:13 PM :: Comments (6) :: TrackBack (0) :: Digg It!