Sunday :: Feb 26, 2006

"I'd Rather Do It Myself!"


by pessimist

Trish over at Pensito Review has an interesting proposal: Let’s Outsource the Secret Service to the UAE.

I'm not against that idea in principle, but I'd really rather not establish the precedent of an American version of the Swiss Guards. In fact, all we have to do to accomplish the same result is to give Hizz Hindni$$ more opportunities to take care of himself!

On November 1, 1999, before the $upreme Court Je$ter$ $elected him to become $upreme Commander, Bush suffered minor cuts and bruises after jumping out of the path of a dump truck while jogging. "I've got a significant strawberry," Bush said.

Then, as published on January 14, 2002, there was the infamous Pretzel Incident!

He fell off a Segway scooter in 2003, fell while riding his bike at the ranch in May, 2004, and also in July, 2004.

It just gets better! He collided with a Scottish cop while biking in July, 2005, and the specific details have just been released.

They aren't pretty.

HE MAY be the most powerful man in the world, but proof has emerged that President George Bush cannot ride a bike, wave,and speak at the same time.

Details of precisely how the crash unfolded have until now been kept under wraps for fear of embarrassing both Bush and the injured constable. But the new disclosures are certain to raise eyebrows on Washington's Capitol Hill.

Jim McDermott, a Democrat Congressman, last night quipped: "Not only does he break the law over here on eavesdropping and spying on our own citizens, but it seems he can't even keep to your law when it comes to riding a bike. It's another example of how he can't keep his mind on the things he should be thinking about."

In Scotland, an accident such as the one at Gleneagles could have led to police action.
Legal experts suggested lesser mortals could have ended up with a fixed penalty fine, prosecution, or at least a good ticking-off from officers. John Scott, a human rights lawyer, said: "There's certainly enough in this account for a charge of careless driving. Anyone else would have been warned for dangerous driving.
"I have had clients who have been charged with assaulting a police officer for less than this."
"The issue of how long the police officer was out of action for is also important. He was away from work for 14 weeks, and that would normally be very significant in a case like this."

No one was available for comment from the White House.

I'll bet there was no comment! We wouldn't want anyone comparing George to this guy, now would we?


President Ford slips and falls as he leaves Air Force One upon arrival in Vienna, Austria for a state visit.
Photograph by: Wally McNamee, 1975

It just might reduce the number of states where the majority still supports him to less than nine (only seven where support is 50% or greater)!

Besides - Bush has made curbing personal injury suits a priority. He has said that "frivolous lawsuits" hurt the economy.

I sure hope that Scottish cop had no-fault insurance!


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