Saturday :: Apr 1, 2006

If You Can't Beat 'Em, ...


by pessimist

To our wrong-wing wregulars: You win.

Since there is no way your rules of engagement ever allow you to admit to having been bested, or that we progressives have demonstrated with facts that you are wrong, I no longer wish to be on the side opposing you. I want to be one of the winners too! Therefore, I reject all progressive positions on all issues.

I believe in the Republican Party. I shall have no other. It is the Will of God.

I believe that the rich, those deserving blessed by God with Earthly beneficence, should get a fair shake when it comes to taxes, and that we demonic workers aren't paying enough. I am therefore increasing the amount I will pay so that I do my fair share. It is the Will of God.

I also believe that the executive branch is the only one that should exist, and support the elimination of the other two. They just mess up the works and delay the inevitable. Paying for them is another unnecessary burden for the wealthy. It is the Will of God.

I believe that all persons not of the wealthy class are the property of the State, and that the State may do with them as the executive wills. Human rights are never enumerated in the Bible, and are thus anathema to the Will of God.

I believe that all non-wealthy human beings exist to serve their wealthy masters' every whim without complaint, for it is the Will of God.

I believe that the nations of the world are here to serve God's Chosen, the United States of America, and that God's Chosen Nation has the right to decide how each of the other nations shall be governed, and by whom. It is the Will of God.

There is one more thing I must admit before I submit fully to the revealed Will of God:


I lied!
pessimist :: 1:16 PM :: Comments (13) :: TrackBack (0) :: Spotlight :: Digg It!