The Top Ten Republican Shark Jumping Moments!
by CA Pol Junkie
Little did the writers of Happy Days know that their lame and ridiculous episode where The Fonz jumped the shark would inspire so many Republicans decades later. While Republicans are always saying outrageous things, this year several have had incidents of self-imposed humiliation so ridiculous and over-the-top as to put Fonzie's stunt to shame.
Much like the original shark-jumping burst the audience's suspension of disbelief, any sentient voter who sees these Republicans in action has no choice but to tune them out for good. Without further adieu, here are the top 10 Republican shark-jumping incidents of 2006!
10. Rick Santorum (PA-Sen), contradicting the administration's own weapons inspectors:
Congressman Hoekstra and I are here today to say that we have found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, chemical weapons.
and for old time's sake, here's Santorum's classic from 2003:
In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing. And when you destroy that you have a dramatic impact on the quality —
9. Curt Weldon (PA-07) explaining how the FBI raid on his daughter and a close friend is all the Democrats' fault:
But what's really disappointing to me is the politics of personal destruction that left wing liberal activists like CREW have engaged in. CREW, for those of you who don't know, is the group that requested the Justice Department look at this issue two years ago. It is no coincidence that the Vice President of CREW, Philadelphia trial lawyer Daniel Berger and his law firm are among the single largest contributors to my opponent Joe Sestak's campaign. This is a group that is closely tied to my opponent Joe Sestak and now, just weeks before my reelection word that the inquiry is occurring has mysteriously trickled out. That is dirty, partisan politics at its absolute worst.
8. Dennis Hastert (IL-14) telling Rush Limbaugh how the Foley matter was the Democrats' fault:
There were two pieces of paper out there, one that we knew about and we acted on; one that happened in 2003 we didn’t know about, but somebody had it, and, you know, they’re trying - and they drop it the last day of the session, you know, before we adjourn on an election year.
7. John Boehner (OH-08) having difficulty keeping his lies straight:
September 29th House Majority Leader John A. Boehner (R-Ohio) told The Washington Post last night that he had learned this spring of inappropriate "contact" between Foley and a 16-year-old page. Boehner said he then told House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.). Boehner later contacted The Post and said he could not remember whether he talked to Hastert.
later on September 29th
Boehner strongly denied media reports late Friday night that he had informed Hastert of the allegations, saying "That is not true."
Majority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) this morning switched his position on the leader's culpability, telling a radio interviewer, "I believe I talked to the Speaker and he told me it had been taken care of."
6. Peter King (NY-03) on how Baghdad is just like Manhattan! (Did you clear that with Mayor Bloomberg, Congressman?)
As we go through the city of Baghdad, it was like being in Manhattan. I mean, I'm talking about bumper to bumper traffic, talking about shopping centers, talking restaurants, talking about video stores...
Again, that's not something you'd see on television, and at any given time a suicide bomber can walk into an amusement center, but the point I'm making is that the situation is more stable than you think.
5. Randy Kuhl (NY-29) on the federal government's sterling response to Hurricane Katrina (yes, he was being serious):
"You can see that when, in fact, this government needs to react, like it did with Katrina with immediate appropriations to help out people who were dying." (laughter)
4. Tom Reynolds (NY-26), using a human shield of small children to avoid questions on the Foley matter:
Reporter: Mr. Congressman, do you mind asking the children to leave the room so we can have a private discussion on this because it's an adult topic. It just doesn't seem appropriate to me.
Reynolds: Well I'll take your questions... I'm not going to ask any of my supporters to leave.
"Now I've seen what happened in Abu Ghraib, and Abu Ghraib was not torture," Shays said at a debate Wednesday.
"It was outrageous, outrageous involvement of National Guard troops from (Maryland) who were involved in a sex ring and they took pictures of soldiers who were naked," added Shays. "And they did other things that were just outrageous. But it wasn't torture."
2. Conrad Burns (MT-Sen) telling firefighters how to do their job:
Burns and the firefighters - members of the Augusta Hotshots from the George Washington and Jefferson National Forest in Virginia - were at the Billings Logan International Airport awaiting flights, according to Burns and U.S. Forest Service representatives. Burns approached the firefighters and told them they had “done a poor job” and “should have listened to the ranchers,” according to a report prepared by Paula Rosenthal, a Montana Department of Natural Resources and Conservation employee who was sent to the airport to speak with the senator.
...and of course the top shark-jumping moment is (although we still have 3 weeks to go)...
1. George Allen (VA-Sen) to American born S.A. Sidarth, filming for the Jim Webb campaign:
Let's give a welcome to macaca here... welcome to America and the real world of Virginia!
Let's hear it for the Republicans and the alternate universe in which they live! Leave your shark-jumping moments in the comments...