Saturday :: Jul 7, 2007

No More Jury Duty


by paradox

We take what we can get in this life, the fact cold comfort in the latest episode of US farcical judicial outrage: citizens can’t sue the government to stop spying on them because they can’t demonstrate the government is doing it. The catch-22 is that there’s never a way to show the government is spying upon us because it’s all secret.

This on the heels of George Bush’s amazing decision to commute Scooter Libby’s prison sentence; the incredulity stems not from Bush’s behavior as a nauseating dangerous crook, but that the White House of the United States of America would actually publish what has to be the most comically intellectual rubbish ever to be inflicted upon on our people. In all seriousness, what are these felons going to insist is true next, that the sky is green?

Probably—-Bush vs. Gore cemented the demise of America’s judicial system, so Jose Padilla, American, locked away with no charge like an animal in a kennel, women unable to sue for pay discrimination because they didn’t know about it, FISA a tragic joke, and last but not least our lovely little no-fly list in the land of the free are just the natural putrid slime outgrowths from the corpse of our country, killed by a stolen election for the worst lying killing president our country has ever seen.

Something snapped in me this morning as I read this ludicrous outrage of the no-fly list, a click of my future as a citizen fitting irrevocably into place: I’m never serving on a jury again. It’s a small thing, sure, but damn right I’ll take it, it’s one less thing. In no way will I ever let my soul and intellect be shit upon by participating in our legal system, never, and no judge will ever allow me to be in a courtroom very long when it’s discovered who I am.

My last experience in a courtroom approximately two years ago was very instructive and is the source of my utter conviction that my intelligence never be grossly insulted by partaking in the unjust joke of American law again. I got that nasty summons to appear at Santa Clara Superior Court for a fucking electronics industry intellectual property case, Jesus, I might lose six weeks at my job for this?

To make it very much worse the Judge, Jesus save us from modern American reactionary freaks, on the very first day publicly endorsed the Iraq war and the miraculous first purple finger “election,” the noxious turd of California jurisprudence fouling the courtroom with some absurd conflation on the sacredness of Iraqi voting and the equal holiness of jury duty in his sanctified courtroom, God (he was unsuccessfully trying to browbeat the desperately evasive into not lying to him as they tried to escape).

I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t think it was my place to smash up a superior court day with sincere serious litigants and regular citizens investing their time, but I wasn’t going to sit still for that shit either, no way.

I glared at the lawyers, and when they tried to fence with me I ripped them to shreds, I’d taken philosophy of technology just six blocks from that courtroom from a very good professor. I fearlessly batted an attorney around, he kept trying to trap me and he couldn’t, and I remember two observing lawyers in the back grinning from ear to ear, trying not to laugh, while the case attorneys on both sides kept looking at me with genuine puzzlement.

The judge, truly a nice person and in his way a sincere American, was horrified I kept up on intellectual property law on the internet and asked me if I read case law. Well, yeah, of course, and mentioned a few current RIAA cases I was interested in. I still don’t get the look he gave me for five long seconds, then giving the entire jury pool special internet instructions and huddling with both side’s counsel in a special 2 minute sotto voice meeting “for a little housecleaning.”

I wasn’t selected and told the judge I didn’t mean to be disrespectful. He smiled in a small way and quickly told me I hadn’t been, he wasn’t just being polite, I could tell.

If I ever get the postcard again I am being disrespectful. I’ll tell the judge right to his or her face I won’t follow instructions with manipulative deception, Machiavelli is one of my greatest heroes, and that I’m a great liar and actor who won’t have any trouble deliberately tying a jury up in hopeless knots just for hell of it, right after I have innovative sex with one or two jury members, that is. Clarence Thomas, that long dong silver guy, he’s one of my heroes too.

I’ll never server on a jury, ever, American courtrooms have lost the right to make me, and I won’t lower myself by doing so. American jurisprudence may have no standards and ethics, but I do.

paradox :: 9:18 AM :: Comments (15) :: Digg It!