Hillary The Flight Attendant
by Jeff Dinelli
"She don't wear no pants and she don't wear no tie
Always on the ball, she's always on strike
Struttin' up the aisle, big deal, you get to fly
You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky
You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky"
-- Paul Westerberg
"Waitress In The Sky"
Senator Hillary Clinton welcomed the intrepid press corp aboard her campaign plane yesterday as it prepared to leave Las Vegas and took control of the intercom:
"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and welcome aboard the maiden flight of Hill Force One.
"My name is Hillary and I am so pleased to have most of you on board," she said. "FAA regulations prohibit the use of any cell phones, Blackberries or wireless devices that may be used to transmit a negative story about me.
"In a few minutes, I am going to switch off the 'Fasten Your Seat Belt' sign. However, I've learned lately that things can get awfully bumpy when you least expect it -- so you might want to keep those seat belts fastened.
"And in the event of an unexpected drop in poll numbers, this plane will be diverted to New Hampshire.
"If you look out from the right, you will see an America saddled with tax cuts for the wealthiest and a war without end. If you look out from the left, you will see an America with a strong middle class at home and a strong reputation in the world.
"Once we've reached cruising altitude, we'll be offering in-flight entertainment: my stump speech.
"Once again, thank you for joining us on Hill Force One. We know you have choices when you fly, and so we are grateful that you chose the plane with the most experienced candidate."
Pretty clever stuff, and helps bring out her sense of humor. I know, you may have heard some in the media are already calling the plane "Pant Suits One." Cynical bastards.