Sunday :: Jun 21, 2009

Diminutive Dreams [updated]


by paradox

“It’s beautiful,” she said, lowering her camera, looking slowly around and standing quite close to me in a surprising way. I knew she would have liked and wouldn’t care if I put an arm around her, I could be trusted, but I did nothing, humbled and more than a little honored by her praise.

This had happened 10 days before, I remembered, a vivid accomplished female with growing children wandered into the garden and naturally slid into one of the chairs like she’d done it a hundred times before, surprising me with her happy presence and making my heart twang with her effervescent praise of the automatic plumbing. I didn’t expect dreams to become reality in this life, and to be accepted and honored by such beautiful women in them for the reality weave is something I’ll never forget.

I have a habit of being somewhat the drama queen, yes, but seriously, I had no concept of “dreams” in my life, goals of great longing that sometimes seem so impossible to some of us, things I could wish for that someday really could become reality, until fairly recently. You’re living the American dream, someone told me ten years ago. I am? was the immediate response, my life simply worked out where wonder dreams were for other people, I wasn’t getting any. I was completely all right with it, of course, it feels normal to expect dreams never to happen and it always astounds me when they become reality.

My dreams are small and eccentric, I’ve noticed. I didn’t want to be an astronaut or become a Senator three decades into the planet, I wanted a garden, a huge food garden I could wander around in with the bees, I have no idea where this comes from but it’s wiggled out of me all of my life in various ways.

I finally got my real chance this year and built a magnificent 1,000 square foot vegetable garden of 11 raised boxes at my church. Many variables had to wondrously fall into place for it to happen and they magically did, so I frantically hammered, nailed and threw 30 square yards of soil while the opportunity was amazingly there. Farmer Joe, my Dad always amusingly called me, but I finally have a real garden that can feed a lot of people, I still can hardly believe it.

In that walking dream of plants and blooms that came about in my 30’s was a parallel wander of growing Halloween pumpkins for children, it’s kind of embarrassing but simply undeniable. A very few old, old hands at Daily Kos may remember the very first year of Yearly Kos, for a what-the-hell kind of promotion for the convention I wrote a short story called Prince of Pumpkins, yet somehow that dreamy fiction will in fact become reality today.

Schoolchildren of St. Jude’s are in the garden for an hour this morning to plant their pumpkins for Halloween, I’ll precisely track which vines are theirs and they can watch the gourds grow all summer. I’m still so very, very surprised with the honor of it all, I never, ever expected any of my tiny dreams to become reality.

Very tiny and small, yes, I’ve always wanted to ride a bicycle with the wind and, again, amazingly I got my chance last year and fokkin’ A I did not let it slither out of my hands when it arrived, no way. I have a carbon frame Trek and I train at 20 miles a day every other day now, off days lifting and rowing at the gym. Incredibly, I quit smoking and I can ride and ride and ride, I still can hardly believe it.

A good university education in one of the most advanced democracies of the world and all I really want to do is grow food with kids and ride my bike. Oh well, I am little person with small dreams, it’s just who I am.

Nothing profound or earth-shaking or even interesting, sorry about that, but it is just the truth of who I am, I get to chuck the old stupid rules for blog screens and be a personal author, that’s my path for being a blogger.

A small person with tiny dreams looking out for the little people. I’ll update the post later today with pictures. Please have a wonderful Father’s Day, Left Coasters, may Democracy be with us.

[Thank you Saturday Morning Gardening Thread at the Daily Kos for encouraging me to write this, I hope I did okay.]

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paradox :: 7:57 AM :: Comments (5) :: Digg It!