Friday :: Jul 3, 2009

Dear Sarah: I Support You!

by Turkana

Dear Sarah,

Can I call you Sarah? I know you like to do the Just Folks thing, so I assume you'll allow me to call you Sarah, right? I mean, it's not like you ever took that whole governor gig all that seriously, anyway. I mean, other than the fun publicity and photo ops and stuff! But the work stuff, not so much. Granted, you didn't fly off to Argentina to hike the Appalachian trail, but other than using positions of power to harass your enemies or reward your family and friends, that daily grind of holding public office was a bit too much of a daily grind, right? Well, at least the daily grind of holding such a lowly public office as governor of Alaska. Which is not yet an independent nation, much to your husband's consternation!

But Sarah, I just want you to know that I support you. I know you lust madly to be president. It's hard not to laugh at the idea, and I appreciate your sense of humor, or at least your delusions of sanity, but gee, gosh, if Nancy Reagan could fill a wing of the Smithsonian with her First Lady outfits, imagine the wardrobe you'd get being president! And I support you in your aspirations! Not to mention your hallucinations! I'm a very liberal Democrat, but I'm behind you all the way! I want you to tout that to your stenographers and biographers, and sing it to the wind, as often as you can. Which is a lot more fun than doing something else in the wind. Even though you're very good at that!

But this liberal Democrat does hope you'll run for president. Maybe you can even wear your cute running outfit! You can primp and preen and wink and smile and drop your g's, and give extremely pathetic right wing propagandists the vapors. And you even have a few more years to memorize the names of newspapers and magazines, so the next time a cruel and nasty interviewer asks what you read, you can be more plausible in your claim of even knowing how to! And you can win! Your primary primary opponents are dropping like flies in sweltering summer. Dropping like flies in sweltering summer in a rancid, stinking barn, which is pretty much what your party has become. That's the Republican Party, Sarah, not the other one. The one that really stole your husband's heart, but that isn't considered acceptable even among the cognitively challenged base of the only party that is your only hope of winning you the presidency.

Winning you the presidency...


Okay, sorry. It's hard to write that without laughing out loud. I'm really trying, here, Sarah, so please bear with me...


These jokes just write themselves...


So, anyway, I do hope you'll run for president, in three years. Hell, I hope you'll run for president in seven years, too! And why not eleven years?! You're young! You can run every four years for decades! And I hope you do! And you can tout your bipartisan appeal, because liberal Democrats such as myself will be behind you, all the way! Well, at least part of the way. Hoping you run! Hoping you win the nomination! Hoping to see you on stage, debating actual political issues with President Obama! Showing us all what you can do! Gosh, it's fun watching you showing us all what you can do! It's inspiring! In a sort of side-splitting kind of way!

So, good luck to you, Sarah! Keep up the good work!


Okay, I again apologize. But no one in the Republican Party ever claimed work was a prerequisite for becoming president. For getting food stamps and health care, maybe, but certainly not for becoming president!

So, I just want to say that I hope you'll keep doing whatever it is that you do. Posing for puff piece photo ops in deeply profound political magazines such as Runners World. Things like that. Things that prove you qualified to be the Republican presidential nominee. Things that enable us to learn so much about you. Because the more we learn, the more we love you. Go for it, Sarah! Please run! Please be nominated!

With seriously profound admiration,


Turkana :: 1:12 PM :: Comments (44) :: Digg It!