Great subject Mary. They kept my father alve for an extra six years and it for the most part was a hell on earth for him and those around him. They recently discovered that my 87 year old mother has a bad heart valve. She is in good shape and walks at least a mile a day but does have some shortness of breath. We went to see a cardiologist and I asked him point blank if she would every be as healthy after the surgery as she was before. His answer was an honest one - probably not. Needless to say we made the decision no to have the surgery. It may result in a shorter life but the quality will be better.
Posted by Ron Beasley at April 4, 2009 04:05 PMWe're going through this now with my mother, but she is a very practical woman and when the cancer came back, she decided on palliative care. Even with "reasonable" end of life decisions, there can be problems. She's now on a morphine drip, but only a doctor can order it increased and only a nurse can carry out the order. So when she needs it increased (as she will probably several times over the next few weeks) it's hard to get it done in a timely manner (she's at home.) There have been other things as well. She's needed technology (she's being fed intravenously) in order not to have a terrible death. So even while death is imminent, sometimes you need the technology to make it bearable.
When my father-in-law was dying from lung disease, he was home and under hospice care, but every time he really had trouble breathing, he was rushed to the ER and then kicked out of hospice care because he was getting treatment. But who wants to go gasping for breath and panicking?? In the end, he was kept in the hospital and kept comfortable with morphine until he drifted away.
Posted by CG at April 4, 2009 04:46 PMI agree completely. This was a very moving interview. As a man with an 83-year-old mother, I listened very carefully to what was said. What struck me was the part where the author, a physician, was called about his mother, and he asked if she needed fluids. She did. Amazing. What chance do I have to ask intelligent questions about my mother's life, let alone make intelligent decisions?
Posted by Tim McFarland at April 5, 2009 12:07 AM