"Obviously none of us is going to be lucky enough to get pregnant by Him,"

Oh god! Now I have to look up at the sky and wonder if a giant penis is going to come whizzing out of a cloud at me. But then, what if god is a woman? Will the horrors of what can fly out of a cloud never cease?

Thanks, pessemist! I have a huge grin on my face for the first time in some while. I do have several questions about these conception things:

Do they swap wives? Are gays allowed? Do they wear blindfolds? Is this a group thing? Just what role does the turkey and potato(e) salad play? Are virgins put to death? Do they do it on the feast table, and if so where do you put your napkin to keep it clean, and what fork do I use for the pickles and olives? Does the second coming have a literal or figurative meaning?

May the great throbbing power of the lord be with you. Amen.

What's funny is that the reason Chrismas is in December 25th is because it was a big pagan holiday and the Empire Constantine wanted to co-op it for a Christain holiday.

phidipides,

"Now I have to look up at the sky and wonder if a giant penis is going to come whizzing out of a cloud at me."

I'm not a biblical scholar, but I don't think Mary got pregnant from God 'whizzing'.

The real question is What Would Jello Do?

Biafra of the Dead Kennedys that is...

I'm thoroughly convinced that if Jesus did come back to Earth, these so-called Christians would crucify him because they wouldn't like what he had to say.

I dunno Phid, you got something to share about pickles and olives?

I was wondering about the "community" aspect of these as well. Anybody got some agit to prop? ;-)

The Pagan Ostara (Easter) Festival seems pretty cool -- eggs and bunnies and ham and a lot more!

Personally, I'm partial to the May Day Floralia Festival of the Romans -- the Celtic Beltane (Spring counterpart of the autumn Sahmain) is cool beans too. So cool and sexy, the Christians didn't even try to co-opt them.

Er, replace that first word "Christianity" with "Protestantism" and you might just start to have a point. Anyone who knows anything about Catholic or Orthodox practise knows that they've got no problem whatever with syncretism.

And I've been to "Beltane" rituals. :p

I'm not a biblical scholar, but I don't think Mary got pregnant from God 'whizzing'.

You misundertake me.

Ernest Tomlinson is correct, on a matter of intellectual honesty in teaching. Yes, at a Sunday school, or in the classroom, they'll tell you straight up what the origins of the holidays are, why they occur during certain times of year, etc. Also, I think too often one hears about the pagan origins of the timing of the celebrations or some specific ritual during a holiday, but pay much too little heed to its very Jewish origins, Easter particularly so. (Passover -- duh.) That's just my opinion, though.

By the same token, you're sure as heck not gonna harp on the history of the Christmas tree and wreaths over Christmas dinner when speaking with your old Italian-Polish-Irish-whatever grandmother about it, either, even though she knows it just as you do. It's just not polite.

As for the conception parties, dang, those fundies are really getting crazy out-there. Aren't they? By modern American standards -- or rather what were modern American standards as recently as a decade or two ago -- how bizarre is that shit? Very.

"I'm thoroughly convinced that if Jesus did come back to Earth, these so-called Christians would crucify him because they wouldn't like what he had to say." Posted by Agitprop

You have that right. The Right-wing religious zealots would have no problem in crucifying Christ. In fact, they would demand it. Nothing they believe or practice or preach shows any understanding of the words of Christ. Therefore, he would be put to death for not advocating their religious beliefs and actions.

You have that right. The Right-wing religious zealots would have no problem in crucifying Christ. In fact, they would demand it. Nothing they believe or practice or preach shows any understanding of the words of Christ.

Yes Judith and that's why we should refer to the extreme theocratic right wing as Pharisees. They take great pains with the law, but the spirit is not apparent in their actions.

Who would Jesus bomb?

Does anyone know where and when the next Christian orgy in the S.F. Bay area will be? I've got a couple of cases of "Christian" wine to bring along.

Didn't the witches, warlocks and wicki's do this a couple years ago in anticipation of the millenium or an alignment of the planets? Seems like I remember hearing about a shin-dig over in England a couple years back. Well maybe the anticipation of the millenium was to see who'd have the first baby born in 2000, but there was something else.

I seem to recollect that the lack of coitus was the determining factor in His conception. Perhaps these parties should celebrate with artificial insemination instead. THAT is truly miraculous

Perhaps these parties should celebrate with artificial insemination instead.

Ahhh. It's all becoming much more clear to me. The reason for the turkey is so you can have a turkey baster! I wonder if it's a communal basting? You know, everyone chips in and you see what God dishes out when you get preganant?

I don't remember Jesus ever advocating violence, even against those who would eventually crucify him. What distrubs me is the Christians who truly believe with all their soul that we have the right to stop those who practice the Islamic religious at any and all costs. Do they believe that the words of Jesus only applies to us as individuals, and not to Governments?

The name 'Easter' was taken from the name of a Teutonic lunar Goddess, Eostre (from whence we also get the name of the female hormone, estrogen). Her chief symbols were the bunny (both for fertility and because her worshipers saw a hare in the full moon) and the egg (symbolic of the cosmic egg of creation), images which Christians have been hard pressed to explain. Her holiday, the Eostara, was held on the Vernal Equinox Full Moon.

"Easter" bunnies, "Easter Eggs" and Jesus.......Oh MY!

For more imnformation on those blessed "Christian" holidays, errrrr Pagan Sabbat's reborn into something more palitable to the Church, look here. http://www.deoxy.org/time/sabbats/index.htm

Do they believe that the words of Jesus only applies to us as individuals, and not to Governments?

Judith -

These Christians are Pharisees--their only goal is to make money & power off of the words of Christ. Their actions have nothing to do with the teachings of Jesus. Maybe I read a different Gospel but I don't think Jesus would support war, tax cuts for the rich, destroying the environment, homophobia, greed, hatred and cutting social support for the poor. If Jesus came back he would smite them for being false prophets--the very thing he warned about.

Agitprop, of course you are right.