Saturday :: Aug 20, 2005

The Lemmings versus the Cats

by Marie

It’s the beginning of the fourth quarter, the Cats are down by three points, the Lemmings quarterback has stubbed his toe but is still connecting on 50% of his passes (and looking mighty fit for his age), their wide receiver is a bit winded, their running back has a bruised shin, their defensive line-men have a few cuts and a couple are limping, but the Lemmings coach declares they are good to go for another fifteen minutes and doesn’t look twice at his bench.

The Cats have some momentum but as usual, they can’t agree on much of anything. Some want to go with what has worked well in the game and the season and others keep grumbling about the need to borrow more plays from the Lemmings and they do their best to undermine plays not taken from the Lemming’s playbook. Most of the fans want the Cats to be the Cats, but a vocal minority want the Cats to look and act more like Lemmings. The coach once loved being a Cat but over time came to envy the Lemmings because Lemmings follows orders and their skyboxes are pricier. His team lacks new blood because he’s systematically rejected every player that wanted to be a Cat, and those that wanted to be Lemmings became, well, Lemmings.

The Cat-Cats know that this game is theirs to take. The Lemming-Cats worry that playing like Cats will not endear them to certain fans; plus they hate Cat plays because they take too long and it’s easier just to keep running up the middle. And the quarterback hesitates too much when he has to pass because his eyesight sucks and he rarely sees the Cat wide open and in a position to score. But, hey can’t do nuthin about the quarterback since he’s part of the Coach’s family dynasty. The brawls in the huddle in the last quarter make it clear that Cat-Coach has to make a choice and make it now.

And it’s one, two, three,

What are we fighting for?

Don’t ask me, I don’t give a crap,

Next stop is in Iraq;

And it’s five, six, seven,

Open up the pearly gates

Well, there ain’t no time to wonder why,

Whoopee! All the Cats are gonna die.*

The Lemmings on the bench feel the wind blowing. Cat-Coach winks at them. And in mass they defect to the Cats and kick the Cat-Cats off the field. The fans boo and Cat-Coach screams, “Lemon-Cats are better than no Cats at all. So, STFU and drink yer kool-aid.”

The Democats have declared that it’s a new day. As Sen. Schumer tells us:

”…we are going to intervene if anyone one democrat attacks another, we're doing that in states where there are primaries. We can't afford to do it anymore. This always happens in the primaries, we would throw up the cards and see where they landed. No more, we are finding the best candidate in every one of the seats where a Republican is vulnerable."

And the New Democats are flexible; not going to be bound by those pesky little divisive things based on core principles:

"I said, those days are over Ed (Rendell). Yes I'm pro-choice, but we need the best candidate. We can't insist that every democrat check off 18 different issues before they get (unintelligible) we could do that, we can't anymore..." Schumer

The success of Paul Hackett in losing his race for the House has convinced the "New Democrats" that they need more Hacketts. More military Vets to attack Bush’s handling of the occupation of Iraq – presumably because this worked so well for Kerry last year. The "New Democrats" are so flexible that one need not even be a Democrat for more than a few minutes to qualify:

“In the fall of 2003, Eric Massa was forced to resign as a Republican staffer on the House Armed Services Committee after he was spotted outside an event for his former boss and good friend, Democratic presidential candidate Wesley Clark.” He’s a Navy vet and worked for Wes Clark. “My loyalty and friendship to and with Wes Clark got between me and the Republican Party.” He is opposed to legalized same sex marriage. He’s running for Congress in NY 29. massa.

Kos is on record that only Vets should be allowed to decide questions of war – guess because that worked out so well with Powell at State (and McCain, Hagel, Kerry and Gephardt in Congress).

And in the Big Game, Biden has already announced that he wants a real Republican, McCain, on his ticket. (And in a New Yorker magazine dismissed Dean with "No goddam chairman's ever made a difference in the history of the Democratic Party.") Expect to see any day now that Hillary’s black pantsuit has sprouted epaulets, braid and jewelry bars with stars; hey, if GWB can play Top Gun, Hill can play dress-up too. Then there is the dKos straw poll winner and other newly minted Democrat who rhapsodized in a 4/10/03 Op-Ed:

“Can anything be more moving than the joyous throngs swarming the streets of Baghdad? Memories of the fall of the Berlin Wall, and the defeat of Milosevic in Belgrade flood back. Statues and images of Saddam are smashed and defiled. Liberation is at hand. Liberation — the powerful balm that justifies painful sacrifice, erases lingering doubt and reinforces bold actions. Already the scent of victory is in the air.”Wes
(If Clark is brilliant, then bloggers must be geniuses since we figured out in real time that the toppling of Saddam’s statue was staged propaganda.)

J.K Galbraith once told Harry Truman and later repeated for Clinton, “The country doesn’t need two Republican Parties.” Looks as if a few people are setting out to prove him wrong. And if they should win, ask me if I would care?

*Apologies to Joe McDonald.

Marie :: 9:49 AM :: Comments (11) :: TrackBack (1) :: Digg It!